DARE TO DREAM

The other day I was walking in the Rat King's Jungle ... that's what I like to call Harlem ... when out of nowhere I was bum-rushed by a rancid-smelling yet charming homeless man who reminded me of an agile and slightly irritated adult Panda Bear.


He was asking for change and then called me a snowflake, which at first I found adorable until I realized it was a racial slur.


I couldn't help but wonder... what had happened to this man?  There was definitely a story behind those coked-out eyes and I wanted to be educated.  He was reluctant when I asked him to join me for a decaf soy latte that afternoon, probably because he didn't know what a "latte" was, or that it was afternoon-time.  But we literally chatted for Minutes! He enjoyed literature and spoke freely about how we will all die shortly after the winter solstice of 2012. But I wasn't scared.  Something about this racist and smelly man comforted me... but what???


I put on my gloves before giving him a handshake goodbye when his foul breath whispered in my ear, "Dare to Dream."  As I turned to address this final farewell between fiends, he was gone.  He had vanished into the smokey pollution rising from a sewer cap.  "Dare to Dream" is a quote I live by... how but did this man know??


The experience taught me a great deal and I will have it in my memory bank for the rest of my days.  I had thought for a while that maybe God had arranged our encounter.  His final message to me, "Dare to dream," played on repeat in my head; giving me a crutch to lean on whilst walking these mean city streetz... until I find a cab to take me to my destination.


It took me 3 weeks to realize that the message strewn across my tote bag that day in large letters and a bold font was, "Dare to dream," and this man was no doubt just reading that back to me ... but I often think about that man.  And I wonder if he's daring to dream. 

my origins

i moved to NYC when i was 19.  i am from rhode island and went to the university of RI for about 20 minutes.  it was a dark time in my life.  

i had a beast of a roommate named alana.  she was a large girl, which is fine, but her loungewear of choice around the dorm were these tiny tighty-whitey underwear that were about 6 sizes too small for her larger-than-life ass.  they were hanes her way.  i only know this because i was able to see them perfectly and in great detail as she'd slowly and painfully climb up the latter to the top of the bunk bed we shared.  every fight night i was scared i was going to die in my sleep from a bunk collapse.

making friends at college was hard for me.  i'm very outgoing socially, but i don't drink or party much, i never really went through that stage in my life.  except for that one time i got experimental with blacktar heroin and lesbianism, neither of which stuck.  URI was a big frat party school and i've seen one too many law & orders so i am well-aware of what goes on at these rape parties.  no thank you.  

one day i stood outside my dorm just introducing myself to passer-bys and asking if they'd care to join me in the dining hall to go over our newly assigned schedules.  instead of a friend that day the only think i got was sexually harassed by the basketball team.

i remember one particular, very symbolic event whilst in college.  i had passed out at 8:30pm after watching CHICAGO for the 3rd time that saturday, and i woke up the next morning covered in chocolate and surrounded by a sea of reeses peeses peanut butter cup wrappers. that's right, i had ODed on loser that night.  the following week i dropped out of college.

i worked a million jobs to save up enough money to move here.  i was working at carabba's italian grille- sort of like an upscale olive garden.  all of my friends were in school and i certainly wasn't about to befriend any of the "career servers," so it was a friend-less time.  after my shift i would drive my used 1989 silver thunderbird over to taco bell and spent my hard-earned tip money on soft tacos; which i would eat alone in the parking lot while listening to britney's greatest hits.  dark.  but it was worth it.... because i wanted nothing more than to be a MTV VJ and get a guest spot on 'One Tree Hill.'

...................... to be continued