recaP

hi, everyone!

i'm back in the nyc and feeling better than ever. as i mentioned in my last blog, i spent several days away from the city for thanksgiving "break."  admitting i enjoy time away from nyc used to fill me with guilt, because of how much i adore this town. it still does, sometimes. clearly i am one for dramatics and this next statement is no exception but:
i feel like the city is such a part of me that i am not truly myself when i am not here. i love it like i love my family (truth) and i'll never leave. it's taught me everything i know about life and love and myself. i'm sorry if that made you throw up but it's true. i re-read it and it made me throw up a little but i'm going to leave it here. because i am trying this new thing called "owning it".........

anyways, i don't think one realizes how much city-life effects you until you go on hiatus. living here you are constantly in a NO state of mind.  "NO i don't have any spare change."  "NO i do not have a minute for the environment."  "Although I am all about gay rights I do not have time to chat with you in the rain on my way to work."  Always with the NOs can be very negative.  My first few years here were full of YES. But that was way too time-consuming & exhausting and plus, i find in my experiences that YESing leaves you vulnerable and more likely to be taken advantage of. It's easier and safer to have your guard up, always, while walking these city streetz.

And then there's the obvious.  How fucking fast everyone is. Not a minute to spare while rushing to get from point A to point B.  And got forbid you miss your train. You'll find yourself cursing and doing hand gestures that you don't even know the meaning of.

While away I took a nap.  In the middle of the day i napped on a couch in a full room while a loud movie was playing.  and it.... felt..... amazing. total relaxation. we spent our days in PJs lounging around watching movies.  we went to walmart and home depot like normal people. i didn't worry about whether i locked my door or if the cockroach was back in the kitchen.  the smell of pot from my neighbors or my super knocking at the door didn't wake me. the buzzer wasn't going off because my 3 roomies decided to order food. it was quiet...

just the right about of time as well.  when i leave for too long (usually 5 days is "too long") i miss my apartment and writing and performing and crafting (lol) and can't wait to come back!  it gives me a nice little reminder of what i'm here for and i always come back more focused. so i'm very grateful for that.

before i go, i saw a buck in jersey and i kept calling it a duck and it made me laugh everytime!

i love you,
C